Hope
by AlisonxRose
Summary: It was like everything was falling apart around her. Having to start life somewhere entirely new while still dealing with anxiety? It was all too much for Namine to handle. But just when she's losing faith, she finds a reason to revive hope.
1. Losing Faith

**Best read in conjunction with 'Change'. But really, I just don't feel like copying the disclaimer and A/N over.**

* * *

><p><strong>Losing Faith<br>**

* * *

><p>I'd only been in this town for all of <em>one week<em> when Kairi decided to spring the news of a party at the house on me. The day of, of course. She was gushing about it, saying I'd get to meet her friends, and probably the rest of the school, before school actually started, so she was 'doing me a favor'.

All I could do was stare at her with a look that probably said, if I could strangle family members, I would.

When we were younger, she was my favorite cousin. Now, I questioned just how much I could stand to be around her. But that was only because of our differences.

My father had explained it to my aunt and Kairi. I was completely, and utterly, afraid of social situations. So I didn't have a panic attack _every time_ I was in a crowd like I knew some people did, but it was not my ideal situation. It's not like I was afraid of _people_, just... I felt lost around too many, and like I was always going to do or say the wrong thing, or something bad was just always going to happen. Situations with new people or too many people; they just intimidated me. To the point of being scared.

When my father got sick and was sent to the hospital, I'd had to get over it a bit. When he came home from the hospital, I had to get over it a lot. I ran whatever errand he needed me to. And I focused all my energy on him rather than freaking out all the time.

Because he'd only came home from the hospital because they knew there was nothing else they could do.

He had set up my living with my aunt and cousin before he died.

And although he'd explained the bit of the social anxiety I had, Kairi was still ignorant to it. Of course she would be. She couldn't possibly grasp it. Because she craved social situations. Being around people, enjoying their company. She was the epitome of being extroverted. In that way, I was envious of her. Even only being here a week, I was beginning to thank her for rubbing off on me, at least in my head. I had thoroughly convinced myself that I could be just like Kairi, actually enjoying lots of people. She would get me through school this year.

And then she threw this party notion at me and I freaked, resulting in anger at her for her carelessness to my personality, rather than actual fear of the impending doom.

I didn't let her see just how angry, though. I contained it. I could never lash out at someone like I occasionally wanted to.

Still, she knew I was upset about it as I denied wanting to meet anyone, let alone come out of my room, but she only argued at me. _At_ me.

"You're going to be in a building with all of them tomorrow, and then some. Plus teachers!"

I know she didn't mean to sound as harsh as she did, but I flinched a little. Plus, the scene she was setting up in my mind was scaring me. I'd only barely learned to survive each day at my old school. Focus on the work and get away with minimal interaction. Then to be thrown into my final year of high school somewhere else? With my high and mighty cousin who couldn't seem to grasp that not all of us find life to be as simple as she does?

Now_ I_ was sounding harsh. But only in my head. I would never take it out on her. Not like she was doing right now. Because I understood that we were different. And she... she didn't seem to.

So I quietly listened to her one sided argument and eventually slipped away to my room. She didn't have to know I planned to stay there as long as physically possible.

* * *

><p>By the time the first few people arrived, <em>lots<em> of people were arriving. And the only reason I was thankful for this was because it meant Kairi had no time to come drag me out of my room.

Which, by the way, was the only perk I was finding to having moved here. I mean, it had a _balcony_. And it overlooked the pool (which, right now I'd be avoiding). But on normal nights, the weather was generally perfect enough for me to have it open, or at least cracked. And the white curtains (currently drawn because, as I said, avoiding window) matched the rest of the pure white room. And not only were my white comforter and pillows brilliantly snow clean, they were the plushest things I'd ever felt.

Then there was having my own bathroom, and a considerably sized one at that. Also immaculate, but mostly beige over white. It was a heavenly place to live.

But right now I was hating it.

Alright, so that was an overstatement. I was bitter about it mostly. I'd gotten away with not actually attending the party thus far, but by being forced to witness it (what with the shouts outside my window and the reverberating of the music through the floors) I felt depressed. Resenting myself. Why wasn't I a normal teenager, bent on spending time with friends and doing insane but fun things together? Why did I always get to feel socially awkward, inept, useless?

I pulled one of the double doors to the balcony open slightly, and slid on my hands and knees to crawl to the railing. I only watched the ongoings for a minute before sighing and going back inside.

I flipped to a clean page of my sketchpad and let my mind focus on that.

* * *

><p>After distracting myself enough to have a few simple drawings completed, and a few others at least started, I noticed the shift in sound. The sounds of the pool had stopped first, then the music had turned off, and now most of the overlapping voices were gone. I looked at the clock. It was almost ten. A bit early for a party to end, but then again this party <em>was<em> being held the night before the first day of school. So I braved going downstairs to see if everyone had left, and if Kairi needed any help cleaning up.

At the bottom of the stairs, I heard a more reasonable amount of voices from living room. At least, a more reasonable amount than I'd been hearing all night. As I stood in the doorway, I still felt completely tiny. And yet the seven teenagers scattered around the living room were far less intimidating than whatever number had previously been around.

Kairi obviously being one of the seven, noticed me first.

"Nami! Come on in!" I wanted to roll my eyes at the cheer in her voice, considering the tone she'd been using with me earlier. I could say she'd probably had a few drinks (underage party or not, I didn't dismiss the fact that there probably had been alcohol, which I disagreed with) but at the same time, this was also just her usual personality, so who could say.

Instead of making any sort of remark to her, I simply obeyed, timidly entering the room and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Kairi was seated with two other girls on the floor, but in front of one of the arm chairs, so I curled myself up on that and kept my attention on them.

"This is Selphie and Olette."

I know you're not supposed to judge people and all, but I had these two pegged. After all, Selphie seemed to dress just like Kairi _and_ wear the same perky expression, if not perkier. And that scared me a little bit. I could barely handle Kairi so far.

Olette at least looked like a simpler girl, kind and understanding. Maybe I would get along with her.

I'd noted that the other four people in the room were boys distracted by a video game. The girls were obviously sitting here socializing or gossiping or... something. I'd been thankful enough that Kairi had only drawn Selphie and Olette's attention to me, but she quickly made me want to strangle her again.

"Guys. GUYS!"

Managing to pull boys' attention away from a video game; only Kairi could.

"This is my cousin, who I was telling you about. Namine."

I couldn't help averting my eyes, pulling my legs to my chest. I rested my chin on my knees, refraining from completely burying my face in them, and worked on steadying my breathing before looking towards them. I forced a small smile in their general direction as I received some 'nice to meet you's and 'hi Namine', but was eager to have their attention drawn back to their game.

And as Kairi started telling me their name's, they did.

Except for one of them.

I was only barely able to catch the name's Hayner, Riku, and Sora, who I assumed were all sitting in order, but I didn't bother trying to memorize a face to the three names, instead I was focused on the fourth, farthest from where we were sitting.

He was still looking at me when I heard her say,

"... and Roxas."

I think I stopped breathing completely.

* * *

><p><strong>It has already proved interesting writing in Namine's point of view.<strong> I worry about capturing her personality properly. Having personal experiences with generalized and social anxiety disorders, I seem to tap into that history the way I've seen it first hand. I know each person and each case is different, and I've mostly seen Namine portrayed as this feeble, hiding behind someone, scared kind of shy. But that's not _quite_ how I see her, and I hope she comes across the way she is in my head. More quiet and a bundle of nerves, which she tries to hide. Eh. Let it also be known that it does bother me that I'm too lazy to put the accent aigu on Namine's name every time. It's there in my head.**  
><strong>

****Oh, ****and I feel like some unintentional Kairi bashing has already begun, but they _are_ such opposites, it makes for interesting conflict. And so, yes. Both first chapters are complete for your, hopefully, enjoyment.

****Let me know thoughts x  
><strong>**


	2. Restore My Trust

**Restore My Trust**

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure if the loss of breath was because I still felt anxious from Kairi drawing everyone's attention to me for even the brief moment it had been, because I was completely at a loss for how blue his eyes were, or because of the look he was giving me. Even though I didn't know what kind of look it was exactly.<p>

He had smiled at me before going back to the game like everyone else, at least. And I don't even know what was happening after that.

I was stuck staring at the three girls on the floor, trying to follow their conversation and mostly giving up. Olette tried to get me more involved a few times, and I smiled at her, but tried to let her know it was just fine that I sat by.

Whether or not I was good at conversation, all I was thinking about was Roxas.

N-not like I'd fallen all over him already! Just... while everyone else seemed like they could care less that I'd walked in the room (which, _really_, I was okay with) he actually looked like he was glad to meet me.

Or maybe I was being delusional. Hadn't I just said I didn't know what kind of look he'd been giving me?

Whatever was going on, I ignored it. Mostly for my sanity. Still trying to listen to Kairi and Selphie, but also already giving in to defeat in this effort, this set up went on for a while. The blond boy, Hayner, had eventually left, and Roxas was no longer playing with the other two.

"Anyone else want to go back in the pool?"

My eyes lit up but quickly I suppressed any showing of my excited reaction. No one else budged, and I wasn't going to be the only one to join him.

His eyes met mine, just before he got up and left the room.

I frowned.

I wasn't expecting anyone to notice, but Olette spoke up.

"You didn't get to go swimming at all today, and it is the last day of summer. Why don't you go make sure Roxas doesn't drown?" She gave me an encouraging smile, which I couldn't help but return. I knew I'd like this girl.

I slowly and quietly exited the room.

Not that anyone was paying attention to my exit, but once I was out of their line of sight, I flew up the stairs to my room to change. Of course, as I headed back downstairs, I slowed. What was I thinking? I wouldn't be able to hold up a conversation with anyone, let alone someone I actually _was_ trying to have a conversation with, someone I really _really_ wanted to have a conversation with. I felt like an idiot.

But I was already outside, stopping a few feet from the pool. He hadn't seemed to notice; he was swimming on his back across the pool. I could still turn back. But of course, then he made it to a spot where I was in his direct line of sight.

I could tell he tried to cover his surprise, but he did a pretty bad job. Olette's joke about him drowning suddenly struck me as a possibility.

I just couldn't tell if it was good or bad he was surprised. I mean, it was funny. So I was laughing, but I also felt kind of bad I'd startled him. He had looked really thoughtful while he was swimming, maybe I interrupted. So I found myself saying,

"Maybe I should... go back inside."

I managed to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal, even though I really wanted to stay now that I'd somehow managed to get out here.

"N-no! You... didn't get to go swimming all day. The least I can do is share the pool."

My fading smile picked back up.

I dropped my towel on a beach chair, aware that he seemed to go back to distracted suddenly, staring across the pool. I was thankful for it as I pulled my cover up off and slipped into the water.

Watching him, I made a random connection and managed to word it, surprising myself at being able to ask a very simple, casual question.

"Is that one boy your brother?"

"Sora? Yeah, we're twins. Not identical but..."

So I did remember his name correctly. Shocking, considering how distracted I... ahem.

"I thought so..." I nodded.

And after a few moments I managed to continue.

"He's the one Kairi's always talking about right?"

Roxas laughed.

"Does she? Yeah, it's probably him. They're the best of friends. I swear they should just get it together and date already."

I had nothing to say to that. He knew them both better than I did. I started swimming in small circles.

"You don't have any siblings?"

I shook my head. I had no one, but I wasn't going to say that. Kairi and my aunt, sure, but really...

"I'm only living with them because my father died."

"... oh..."

I was pretty glad he didn't say "sorry to hear that" or something. Having known the diagnosis the whole time, I'd done most of my crying while watching him die and now... it just seemed easier not to cry. It was like I'd gone through all the steps of mourning before the loss actually happened. And now... well I still missed him. And I felt pretty hollow most of the time. He was probably the best dad I could've asked for, raising me without my mother, and the one constant comfort in my life. The only person who understood me. But... I managed. Or was trying to. I figure he'd want me to. And so I turned back towards Roxas slightly, forcing a smile. It must have been really obvious it was forced.

"It doesn't have to be so bad being here."

I hadn't known it until he said, and he probably didn't know it at all, but this was something I really needed to hear. So I looked at him full on now.

"Promise?"

I didn't like promises. I hated them in fact. It was silly to make them. Nothing was a guarantee in life. Asking for a promise was asking for it to be broken. But I asked him anyway. Which was... strange.

He at least took the time to tap his chin and look up, like he had to think about it, and I couldn't stop myself from giggling a bit again at the almost teasing way he did it.

"Promise."

That smile was going to get me every time.

* * *

><p>It was confusing, it was scary, and it was wonderful. The ease with which I had been able to get comfortable around Roxas while we swam aimlessly around the pool was strange.<p>

After he promised me it didn't have to be so bad living here, he told me if I needed anything at school, I could always ask him.

He also mentioned that his brother would be there if I needed him, although it sounded like he didn't take very much seriously. Still, he tried to convince me Sora would be a good friend, and I believed him. It was his twin, after all. They were closer than normal siblings from what I'd gathered.

He told me a story about when they were kids, and how Sora never seemed to be worried when they got in trouble, or in general. He was just one of those easy going types.

"I swear, the guy is too innocent to be a teenager."

There was a pause, which is when I noticed Roxas' expression shift a little.

"I always feel like such a downer next to him."

I hadn't expected Roxas to say something like this. And yet it sounded a lot like how I felt most of the time. He probably wasn't aware right now of exactly how relatable that statement was to me. I felt like a downer next to _everyone_, especially Kairi. But as thankful as I was to think we would come to understand each other really well, I didn't like seeing him sad.

"How do you think they do it Roxas?"

It kind of just sprung from my lips, and I clarified after the confused look he gave me.

"Sora, and Kairi, and people who just... don't worry so much. Or just seem happy all the time."

I didn't think he'd have such a good answer.

"I don't think they don't worry _really_. They just don't let it get to them. And some of us... some of us are just seeing things a different way. I mean, we all see things differently but... some people are quiet and some are too loud too handle."

I knew there was a part to his response that would hit me too hard.

"It's just something we have to learn to accept about ourselves."

I nodded a little, but felt... sad. I had felt like I had been learning to deal with my anxiety while my dad was dying. But if this day proved anything, it was that that was a lie. I hadn't accepted much of anything about myself, and that upset me.

There was nothing I could say, now immersed in my own head. I had barely even noticed Olette, Selphie and... Riku was it? coming out to say goodbye.

"Just thought we'd come say goodnight!" I managed to smile at Olette, which counted as a smile to all three.

"It's just almost two so you and Sora might wanna think about heading out, too."

"Plus I don't think they should be left without supervision." Roxas laughed as Selphie said this, and then of course she added.

"See you bright and early!"

If I wasn't mentally attacking myself before, I sure as hell was now.

School.

Senior year.

New school.

People.

Strangers.

How could I handle tomorrow?

I hadn't managed to spend a single second downstairs until it was just Kairi's close friends. At least... at least there was that. I didn't know _no one_ but, I didn't exactly know _them_ either. I knew Kairi. And what a fat load of help she'd proved to be in trying to understand and help me...

Roxas.

Roxas had managed to distract me from even thinking about school _and_ make me feel like I could talk to him without a problem. In only one evening. How was that even possible?

It didn't feel safe either way. I couldn't cling to a boy I just met, no matter how nice he was being about it.

Learning to accept things about myself...

"What's wrong?"

Roxas had already gotten himself out of the pool and pulled his shirt on before he noticed I hadn't moved much from my place in the water. But at these two words I shook my head and got out.

I couldn't even look at him. I was being ridiculous. But when wasn't I?

Wrapping myself in my towel I went inside and shut the door without waiting for him, cutting off my name coming from his lips.

* * *

><p><strong>I had <strong>some comments to make but, eh. It's late, I'm tired, but I wanted to make sure I got a chapter of each out before this next week eats my brain.

**Let me know thoughts x**


	3. Rest Assured

**Rest Assured  
><strong>

* * *

><p>In my bedroom, I leaned against the closed door. My heart was pounding. I was freaking out for no reason, and every reason. Why did this always happen? And once it started, all it did was escalate. That's how anxiety works. Freak out about something, freak out about nothing. And then freak out about not being in control of freaking out or not. I clutched my head and whipped the towel on the ground somewhere before going into the bathroom.<p>

I took one of the longest showers, but it didn't do much to relax me. Thankfully, seeing as it was three in the morning, my body didn't need me to relax to fall asleep. It was simply prepared to knock me out. And my brain had been fighting with itself just long enough to give in.

But not before I heard my door crack open a bit. Lying in bed, buried under the covers in an attempt at feeling comforted, I lifted my head the slightest bit to see another head peeking in. I heard Kairi's voice.

"Roxas said goodnight."

I murmured the only thing I could.

"Okay..."

I don't know if she wanted to ask something, or comment on anything, but she lingered for just a moment before shutting the door and letting me fall asleep.

I was never very good at waking up.

It wasn't even the part about not being a morning person that made it difficult.

It wasn't even the part about me needing as much energy from sleep as possible because I wore myself down every day with stressing out and overthinking.

It was just the fact that asleep, I could have any number of dreams or nightmares that I wasn't in control of, and be okay with it. It made sense, not being in control of my subconscious. So even if I was having the most delusional of nightmares, it wasn't something I could stop.

But being conscious meant if my thoughts and feelings were out of hand, it was my own fault. Even if it wasn't. My anxiety wasn't something I could control. And that was also the source of some of the anxiety. Knowing that I should be able to calm myself down over silly things.

I know. It's really, really hard to follow.

The bottom line is, sleep is good for Namine.

So waking up was always, needless to say, a pain in the ass.

And today, it was also due to the fact that I had to go to school. A new school. An unfamiliar school. With unfamiliar people.

I sure as hell didn't want to leave my nice, safe, fluffy bed for _that_.

These thoughts, though, of course, set me into a panic that did enough to fully wake me up. I couldn't have fallen back asleep if I had tried.

So Kairi's unnecessary wake up call was… well, unnecessary.

"Nami get up! Get ready! School!"

I heard my door slam against the wall and just barely looked over my blankets to stare at Kairi, grinning in my doorway. That expression actually made me terrified. And suddenly I hoped I didn't have any classes with Kairi. Knowing no one had to be better than knowing someone who would force me to get to know _everyone_.

"Nobody should be this excited about school." I mumbled into my sheets, knowing she wouldn't catch it. She didn't bother asking what I had said either.

"Do you know what you're going to wear?"

I blinked rapidly at her. She didn't miss a beat, flying to my closet and rifling through it.

I very strongly resisted the urge to burrow back into my sheets. I knew it wouldn't save me from Kairi or this day anyway. So I got up and slowly made the bed.

Yes, I _make my bed_. It's one of those things that gives me a sense of stability.

I was expecting Kairi to throw a fit about the lack of fashionable clothing I had or something. But she actually managed to find an outfit, and in record time.

I couldn't complain either. It was something I might've pieced together if I had actually cared how I looked today. It's not that I _didn't_ care, it was just the farthest thing on my mind. Surviving being the first.

It was a white tanktop and a pair of my good jeans. Most of my others had art stains and tears.

"Thanks." I murmured as she handed them to me. She just beamed and headed back towards the door.

"I've made a conscious effort to refrain from attacking you with hair and makeup supplies. You look cute enough naturally, and I don't have the time to make it a routine." Her grin seemed a bit more malicious at this statement. I didn't know if I felt complimented or annoyed.

I didn't let any expression show across my face, though, and she disappeared soon enough.

I shrugged to myself feeling the slightest bit better. That could have gone worse.

Any tiny trace of feeling all right disappeared. First it was gradual, as Kairi drove us to school, and then it was completely gone, when we parked and started walking towards the building. I had my hand wrapped so tightly around the strap of my messenger bag, it was going numb.

Kairi remained oblivious, or at least acted like it. At the very least, she was helping by walking with me, and taking me to the front office as I needed to get my schedule and locker assignment.

I'd picked out my classes when I'd enrolled, but I'd never been given an official schedule. Probably because I was the only new student, and everyone else had already been mailed their schedules around that time.

So as Kairi explained to the woman at the desk that I was her cousin and needed my schedule, I was fidgeting, but thankful even still that she was doing the talking.

As the woman looked me up on the computer, though, she abandoned me.

"I've gotta go find Selphie; we've got first period together. So hopefully I see you in a class or two!"

I couldn't really protest. Plus I'd probably just make her late, and I wouldn't be able to cling to her all day anyway. Better to get it over with now.

The woman printed out and handed me my schedule, which I went to look at before she interrupted me.

"You'll probably want to stop at the bookstore for some of those classes textbooks before heading to first period. I'll write you a pass for there and to your first period."

I didn't really want to be late. Sure it was totally understandable the first day, everyone getting everything figured out and settled, but I didn't want to walk in when everyone would notice.

But I wasn't about to say no. I'd rather be prepared with all my textbooks anyway. And she'd had the pass written out before I'd even thought this all out, building the worry in my mind.

She handed it to me, but I must have looked confused and scared.

"The bookstore is down the hall across from here, on the left."

"Th-thank you."

I darted out the door and followed her directions, glad it was close enough.

The girl behind the counter had seemed nice enough, but pretty much snatched my schedule out of my hand and, before I knew it, set my necessary books in front of me.

It didn't take that long at all, but the bell had already rung by the time I quietly thanked her and walked back into the now empty halls.

Already being late, I stopped to take advantage of being alone and calm down a bit. I looked over my schedule as well, seeing as I didn't even know which class I had first and which ones went to the textbooks in my hands.

Photography

English

French

Gym – Aerobics

History – C lunch

Ceramics

Study Hall

All of this looked about right. I had no idea what C lunch meant though, and decided it was best to avoid that panic attack until I reached it.

Two of the books I held were for English. One of the others was for History.

The last was for French. Languages hadn't been a requirement at my old school, but two years were required here. They had been flexible enough to accept me taking only one year. Most of the other requirements were close enough to what I'd already taken the last three years, and English and History were the only other requirements I had to fulfill.

Gym was mandatory every year, but Kairi had told me most junior and senior girls took aerobics, so I had just listened to her on that one.

Ceramics and Photography had been my elective choices, mostly because they were the only really artsy thing offered this semester. Next semester they'd be replaced by drawing and a cooking class, which I discovered by looking at the "second semester" at the bottom of the page, an almost exact copy of first aside from those two changes. And I didn't need a drawing class to keep drawing, so I wasn't particularly worried about having to wait to take it.

From what Kairi had explained, seniors who picked up seventh period study hall and had enough credits only had to go the first day before signing up for early release. Meaning I only had six classes both semesters, which was awesome.

Feeling content with the thought of how easy it would be to keep up with my schoolwork, I took on the task of finding my locker.  
>I knew the contentment wouldn't last long.<p>

I managed to think straight in my haze of fretting, and kept an eye out for the room my photography class was in along the way. The room and locker numbers were all pretty self-explanatory, and once I found the west hall I was able to pick out my locker from a distance. It was the only one without a lock as everyone else had their same lockers all four years.

Having found the photo room to be fairly close along the way, I knew I could leave all my books in my new locker for at least this class. After that I'd probably just take them all since I had no idea how much time I'd have in approximation to where all my other classes were located.

I kept reminding myself to take it one class at a time, and headed to my first class of senior year. My first class at this school.

I actually knew nothing about photography, just that it sounded fun, and they supplied the cameras since we'd be working with black and white film.

I focused on not crumpling the pass in one hand, as my hand instinctively wanted to ball up, and opened the door with the other.

I felt a little relief upon realizing that the door didn't open up right at the front of the room. Technically it was towards the back, and only the teacher could see me as I entered. Of course, I still had to walk to the front of the room to give him my pass. Which I did, as soon as he paused in what he was saying. Just some opening speech from the sound of it. He didn't seem bothered at all from my interrupting, and neither did anyone else. They mostly looked bored, which I only noticed because as much as I was avoiding eye contact, I was still seeing if anyone I had met yesterday was in the room.

And sitting there in the back, off to left, was someone who caught me totally off guard.

Roxas.

* * *

><p><strong>It made me<strong> kind of nauseous when I realized just how much of her schedule I based off of my own senior year -gag- I also rolled my eyes at myself for immediately having Roxas in her first period class. But it's going to be the best thing ever.

**Also been **having difficulties naming the chapters. I started off following the theme of each stories name before realizing there's only so many synonyms and clever phrases, then trying to tie them to the events of the story... Meh. So ignore those crummy attempts.

Thank you **xglitter-gloss** for the very first review of this story ^-^ It made me want to update immediately but I hadn't the time! College owns my soul for real...

**Let me know thoughts x**


	4. The Calm

**The Calm**

* * *

><p>I hadn't been expecting to see him.<p>

I'd been _hoping_ to see him, but I never would've thought it would be first thing in the morning, and photography at that.

I felt complete relief at seeing him, and even double that when I decided on my seat: an open one diagonally in front of him.

And it wasn't just relief I felt. It was... happiness. I would get to start every morning off with seeing Roxas. And that made me smile.

I was glad the teacher actually said something, rather than just nodding in confirmation to my late pass or something. Otherwise I would have stood there for a while staring gratefully at Roxas.

"Nice to have you, Namine. As I've told everyone else, I'm Mr. Day."

I smiled faintly and took the seat I'd picked out, focusing on the ground but flickering to meet Roxas' gaze again before sitting down.

I watched Mr. Day intently. But I wasn't really listening. I was just enjoying the fact that I wasn't worrying about anything right now. Why was it that knowing Roxas was nearby made me feel so at ease?

And then Mr. Day was telling us that we could come up one at a time to check out a camera, which meant in the meantime we could just... talk.

I froze for a moment, watching everyone else immediately turn to someone they knew. And once more I was immediately thankful for having met Roxas the night before, and running into the pleasant surprise of us having this class together. Yet still, I hesitantly turned in my seat to face him.

He flashed a smile that I didn't even have to think about returning.

"Fancy meeting you here."

I laughed quietly and sighed, feeling something of a release on all the anxiety I'd been building up.

"I'm lucky I managed to make it here alive."

He leaned in and whispered.

"Did the zombies come after you?"

I raised an eyebrow, knowing he was joking but wondering where he picked zombies from.

"Those biology classes... they do some weird things."

I shook my head, still laughing.

"Yeah well, they didn't try to eat my brain, but they didn't give me any directions either."

He chuckled and I felt taken aback by my own humorous response.

"They're good for nothing... except when they eat the freshman."

"What do the freshman ever do to you?"

I knew it was especially expected of seniors to pick on freshman, in good fun or not, but I never really grasped why. With Roxas, I felt like actually saying things I normally wouldn't voice, somehow knowing it wouldn't bother him.

"They act like they're hot shit." He crossed his arms, looking agitated, which, I kind of just thought was cute.

I didn't just think that. Nope.

"I know there's exceptions to every grade and stuff, like when we were freshman here. But seriously. These kids have no boundaries, respect, nothing. This year's no different. It's _worse._"

"We haven't even made it through first period. How do you know?"

"Because there're enough of them swarming the halls."

I shrugged, finding this far from proof, but still thinking he probably knew what he was talking about.

"They all seem to have a god complex their first year of high school. It doesn't go away for some of them, either. There are a few seniors I wouldn't mind feeding to zombies either..."

He mumbled this last bit, looking away. I shuffled in my seat. I really didn't want to deal with people like that, so of course I was hoping he was wrong, but he would know better than me right? And the way he seemed to be thinking on something related worried me. I didn't say anything more.

Mr. Day was waving our general area forward, so I slowly stood up, biting my lip. I couldn't seem to move further than that, and began the self-scolding. We were just checking out cameras, I mean seriously.

I probably wouldn't have noticed Roxas going ahead of me right away if he hadn't patted my arm in reassurance, taking the lead.

I was a pretty agitated with myself for needing reassurance over getting up and signing out a freaking _camera_, but mostly because he noticed. I never cared this much about coming off as pathetic.

Yet feeling his touch on my skin for just a second, it _was_ reassuring. Because he understood. So keeping my eyes trained on the back of his head, I followed him.

* * *

><p>When everyone was back in their seats with a camera, Mr. Day started going over a few technical terms and using the cameras. Everyone seemed to be paying a relative amount of attention, seeing as we all pretty much wanted to be able to take pictures immediately. It wasn't until he told us that we wouldn't be given film for the first few days that people lost apparent interest. I swear I could hear people rolling their eyes.<p>

We had to go over loading and developing film, the darkroom process, etc. this first week, so all we were told to do for tomorrow was bring in a small object for photograms. And that was the extent of my first class. I couldn't have been more relieved.

The ringing bell was the thing to once more take away my momentary calm.

* * *

><p>Roxas and I walked out together, stopping outside the door. He was complaining about the pointlessness of having gotten the cameras today when they'd just sit in our lockers, and I was trying to listen but nervously eying my schedule and figure out where my English class was. Keeping his rant short, Roxas quickly noticed my half attention, and tugged the piece of paper from my hand. Glancing over it, he didn't even look up as he casually said,<p>

"Why don't you show me where your locker is and we'll work from there?"

I blinked rapidly in a shocked response, which he looked up to see when he didn't hear me speak.

"You don't want my help?"

"N-no! That's not it I just... didn't even ask so it's... really nice of you."

His head tilted back down to my schedule, but he was smiling.

My heart pounds a lot, so I don't really keep track when it speeds up _more_ than "normal", but I'm pretty sure it was as I headed towards my locker, Roxas keeping up while also analyzing my schedule (which made him look like he was plotting intensely).

At my locker I dropped off my newfound camera, and hurriedly grabbed my textbooks. Without even watching what I took, Roxas said, "Leave the history book. You're history room is nearby anyway."

I slowly slid it back onto the shelf, trying to mimic Roxas' collected demeanor. Passing periods were only so long, but he was totally at ease. Didn't he have his classes to worry about too?

Now impatiently standing at my shut locker, I made the mistake of looking around. People were... looking at me. A lot. I was the new girl, sure, but I always thought it was a cliché that people actually _noticed_ a new student so easily.

I unconsciously stumbled backwards against my locker, startling Roxas.

"Namine?"

I looked at the ground and shook my head.

"Where's my English class Roxas…" I honestly didn't ask it as a question. I just wanted to know where it was, get to it, and hide in it.

I didn't look at him to judge his response. But I felt his hand slip between my back and the lockers, and guide me away from them, down the hall.

It was a minute of walking before he said anything, and I was relieved that it wasn't to question my freaking out, but only to point out that we were passing my French class, which was near enough to my English room to remember. He also pointed out what hall to take to get to the gym, and that I wouldn't miss the lunch room at that point.

"C lunch means your history class is cut in half by it. So after gym you can stop at your locker for your history book and well, that room you should be able to find on your own, it's not far from the photo lab. I'll see you at lunch and I can show you where your last class is after that."

We were standing outside my English class at this point. I was torn between feeling pathetic for needing so much help, feeling entirely grateful for the help, and the insight that we'd have lunch together, and feeling like I might cry from the annoying combination of all my thoughts.

"Thank you so much, Roxas." I meant to say it louder, more casually, but to me it sounded like quiet, desperate gratification.

"No proble-"

With my books held to my chest in one arm, I wrapped my other around him in a quick hug. Apparently that caught him off guard.

I just as quickly disappeared into my English class, taking the nearest empty seat, somewhat in the middle, against the wall.

With a deep breath, I let myself calm down, only barely glancing at who was already in the room. I wasn't paying much attention to who was walking in either, until a relatively bright orange outfit caught my eye. There's no ignoring that, and I found myself glad for it. I caught Olette's eyes with my own.

"Hey Namine."

Her greeting was entirely calm and friendly, and she immediately took a seat next to me. Once more, I guess I owed it to Kairi for introducing me to her friends beforehand, and having at least two that I didn't completely freak out around. At least in the normal way. I was starting to question my thoughts and actions around Roxas.

Olette and I didn't get to talk much. I didn't focus any more on my English teacher's opening speech than I had on Mr. Day's.

We did get to compare schedules, though. We had gym together and that was another load off my mind. I hated physical fitness classes _so much_. And aren't they a source of anxiety for everyone? Olette expressed the same distaste, but assured me that aerobics wasn't as bad as your general PE. My hope was lifted again, in just the slightest.

* * *

><p>The advantages of sitting close to the door: being ready to zip out the door the minute you hear the bell. That, or the opposite is best, sitting in back and lingering until everyone's gone and being the last. However, like having Roxas in photography, having Olette meant it didn't have to matter. We walked out of class together, but with my French room so close by, we quickly split up with a "see you at gym" that made me smile, and genuinely not mind having to attend gym. For today.<p>

Getting to French basically first, meant having the most options for my seating choice all day. I picked a similar positioning to my English seat.

No one else I "knew" was in the class with me. Which was fine. I really needed the time to recover in my own head. It had been buzzing most of English in an attempt to relax itself. Not to mention, probably halfway through, I realized I had hugged Roxas goodbye. In thanks of course, but… was that weird?

Being lost in these thoughts meant I also put off acknowledging something else.

This high school required two years of a language. Which meant no senior could be in French I. I was the only one.

And by Roxas' description, I could actually determine an additional fact: majority of this class was composed of freshman.

* * *

><p><strong>Do you know HOW LONG<strong> I've wanted to get this one done and up? College has been gnawing on my skeleton.

Read the A/N at the end of **Chapter 4 of Change** for the lengthy excuse/rant/life/frustration. I wanted to update this SO MUCH for SO LONG. I actually finished up this chapter in between classes today, and am now updating between another set of classes, and this connection is SO SLOW. I swear, this school doesn't want you guys to have any of my RokuNami love. I actually channeled my inner Namine last class (that would be, accidentally, and actually myself, as I channel my old inner self to write Namine. The insight to this kind of anxiety comes from an actual source.) So yes, supposed to have been leading a discussion and just tweaked. Plus, Plato's Republic is a loooot of thought, and she doesn't really let us examine it the way I wish she would =( Anyway.

**The reviews** made me so super happy excited, and I really needed that with the stress I've been fighting off.

**xglitter-gloss** has consistently been reviewing both Hope and Change, so another double kudos there.

**kinomku2**, I'm so glad! I need lots of reassurance just like Nami XD so thank you! I'm glad you brought up an interesting point of the question of bullies. The irony of anxiety, is you don't need bullies to have it form. I was never really bullied as a kid and I never really feared getting bullied. But, this is a fanfiction and we're gonna make it _super interesting_. So maybe not traditional bullying, but, well… intensely crazy freshmen anyone? It just fit in perfectly from when I started this chapter.

I never gave **Namine The DreamGirl** a shout out so -there it is =D

**Let me know thoughts x**


End file.
